Unit 4

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 What is success? Some people seem to sail easily through life, overcoming every obstacle they encounter with ease. Then there are those who manage to avoid most difficulties, by limiting their experience to what is familiar and easy, and never trying anything new. Are these people successful? Should we all envy them, admire them, imitate them? The authors of the articles in this unit don't think so. The three texts you're going to read take a different approach to success. Text A looks into the psychology of success, and comes to the conclusion that one of the most essential ingredients in success is ---- failure! Texts B and C offer some interesting insights into how apparent failures can evolve into success, not only for ourselves but for others as well.

Text A

    Vicky ---- beautiful, talented, very bright, voted “Most Likely to Succeed” in college  ---- got a promising job with a large company after graduation. Then, after two years without promotions, she was fired. She suffered a complete nervous breakdown. “It was panic,” she told me later. “Everything had always gone so well for me that I had no experience in coping with rejection. I felt I was a failure.” Vicky's reaction is an extreme example of a common phenomenon.

   Our society places so much emphasis on “making it”that we assume that any failure is bad. What we don't always recognize is that what looks like failure may, in the long run, prove beneficial. When Vicky was able to think coolly about why she was fired, for example, she realized that she was simply not suited for a job dealing with people  all the time. In her new position as a copy editor, she works independently, is happy and once again “successful.”

    People are generally prone to what language expert S. I. Hayakawa calls “the two-valued orientation.” We talk about seeing both sides of a question as if every question had only two sides. We assume that everyone is either a success or a failure when, in fact, infinite degrees of both are possible. As Hayakawa points out, there's a world of difference between “I have failed three times” and “I am a failure.” Indeed, the words failure and success cannot be reasonably applied to a complex, living, changing human being. They can only describe the situation at a particular time and place.

  Obviously no one can be brilliant at everything. In fact, success in one area often precludes success in another. A  famous politician once told me that his career had practically destroyed his marriage. “I have no time for my family,” he explained. “I travel a lot. And even when I'm home, I hardly see my wife and kids. I've got power, money, prestige ---- but as a husband and father, I'm a flop.”   

    Certain kinds of success can indeed be destructive. The danger of too early success is particularly acute. I recall from my childhood a girl whose skill on ice skates marked her as “Olympic material.” While the rest of us were playing, bicycling, reading and just loafing, this girl skated ---- every day after school and all weekend. Her picture often appeared in the papers, and the rest of us envied her glamorous life. Years later, however, she spoke bitterly of those early triumphs. “I never prepared myself for anything but the ice,” she said. “I peaked at 17 ---- and it's been downhill ever since.”

Success that comes too easily is also damaging. The child who wins a prize for a carelessly-written essay, the adult who distinguishes himself at a first job by lucky accident faces probable disappointment when real challenges arise.

    Success is also bad when it's achieved at the cost of the total quality of an experience.  Successful students sometimes become so obsessed with grades  that they never enjoy their school years. They never branch out into tempting new areas, because they don't want to risk their grade-point average.

    Why are so many people so afraid of failure? Simply because no one tells us how to fail so that failure becomes a growing experience.We forget that failure is part of the human condition and that “every person has the right to fail.”

   Most parents work hard at either preventing failure or shielding their children from the knowledge that they have failed. One way is to lower standards. A mother describes her child's hastily made table as “perfect!” even though it's clumsy and unsteady. Another way is to shift blame. If John fails math, his teacher is unfair or stupid.

    The trouble with failure-prevention devices is that they leave a child unequipped for life in the real world. The young need to learn that no one can be best at everything, no one can win all the time ---- and that it's possible to enjoy a game even when you don't win. A child who's not invited to a birthday party, who doesn't make the honor roll or the baseball team  feels terrible, of course. But parents should not offer a quick consolation prize or say, “It doesn't matter,” because it does. The youngster should be allowed to experience disappointment ---- and then be helped to master it.

    Failure is never pleasant. It hurts adults and children alike. But it can make a positive contribution to your life once you learn to use it. Step one is to ask, “Why did I fail?” Resist the natural impulse to blame someone else.Ask yourself what you did wrong, how you can improve. If someone else can help, don't be shy about inquiring.

   When I was a teenager and failed to get a job I'd counted on, I telephoned the interviewer to ask why. “Because you came ten minutes late,” I was told. “We can't afford employees who waste other people's time.” The explanation was reassuring (I hadn't been rejected as a person) and helpful, too. I don't think I've been late for anything since.

   Success, which encourages repetition of old behavior, is not nearly as good a teacher as failure. You can learn from a disastrous party how to give a good one, from an ill-chosen first house what to look for in a second. Even a failure that seems total can prompt fresh thinking, a change of direction.

    A friend of mine, after 12 years of studying ballet, did not succeed in becoming a dancer. She was turned down by the ballet master, who said, “You will never be a dancer. You haven't the body for it. In such cases, the way to use failure is to take stock courageously, asking, “What have I left? What else can I do?” My friend put away her toe shoes and moved into dance therapy, a field where she's both competent and useful.

    Though we may envy the assurance that comes with success, most of us are attracted by courage in defeat.( There is what might be called the noble failure ---- the special heroism of aiming high, doing your best and then, when that proves not enough, moving bravely on. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said: “A man's success is made up of failures, because he experiments and ventures every day, and the more falls he gets, moves faster on .... I have heard that in horsemanship ---- a man will never be a good rider until he is thrown; then he will not be haunted any longer by the terror that he shall tumble, and will ride whither he is bound.”

    维姬---才貌双全、聪明伶俐，在大学里曾被选为“最有可能成功的人士”---毕业后在一家大公司找到一份很有前途的工作。然而，过了两年，她非但没有得到提升，反而被解雇了。她的精神完全崩溃了。“这真叫人害怕，”她后来告诉我说，“我以前样样都那么顺利，因此对遭受拒绝时应如何处理毫无经验。我觉得自己是个失败者。”维姬的反应是某种常见现象的一个极端例子。

     我们的社会如此推崇“成功”， 以至于我们认为凡失败都是坏事。我们往往认识不到，看似失败的东西也许从长远来看大有裨益。比如，当维姬得以冷静地思考自己被解雇的原因时，她便认识到自己只是不适合做老是跟人打交道的工作而已。在文字编辑这一新的岗位上，她独挡一面，心情愉快，又一次“成功”了。

     人们大多受到语言学家S·I·早川所谓的“双值定向”的影响。我们都说要看到一个问题的两个方面，好像每个问题只有两面似的。我们以为每个人不是成功就是失败。而事实上，成功和失败都可能有极多不同的程度。正如早川所指出的，在“我失败了三次”和“我是个失败者”之间有着天壤之别。其实，失败和成功这两个词不能用来合理地描述一个复杂的、活生生的、不断变化的人。它们只能描述某一特定时间某一特定地点的情况。

     很显然，没有哪个人能够样样事情都出类拔萃。事实上，某一方面的成功常常会妨碍另一方面的成功。一位著名的政治家曾告诉我说他的事业几乎毁掉了他的婚姻。“我没有时间顾及家人，”他解释说，“我经常外出旅行。即使在家也难得与妻子儿女见面。我有权、有钱、有威望---但作为丈夫和父亲，我却是个失败者。”
   某些种类的成功有时候确实有毁灭性。过早成功的危害尤为严重。我记得在我小时候有个女孩，其高超的滑冰技术表明她是“奥运人材”。当我们其余的人在玩耍、骑车、读书或悠闲地消磨时光时，这个女孩却在滑冰----每天放学后以及整个周末都在滑。她的照片经常出现在报纸上，我们都很羡慕她这种充满刺激的生活。然而，若干年后，她谈起早年那些非凡的成功时却不无酸楚。“除了滑冰，我从来没准备做别的事情。”她说，“我17岁时达到了顶峰----自那以后就一直在走下坡路。”

    来之太易的成功也具有破坏性。因一篇匆匆写成的文章而获奖的孩子；凭运气侥幸在第一份工作中即出人头地的成年人， 当真正的挑战出现时都可能面临失望。

    以牺牲某种经历的整体质量为代价而获得的成功也是有害的。 成功的学生有时心里只想着分数而永远享受不到学校生活的乐趣。 他们从不扩大兴趣范围，涉足诱人的新领域，因为他们不想拿自己的平均积分点去冒险。

   为什么有这么多的人这么害怕失败呢? 完全是因为没有人告诉我们如何失败从而使失败成为一种成长的经验。我们忘记了失败是人生的一部分，忘记了“每个人都有失败的权利。”

   大多数家长不是竭力防止失败就是竭力不让孩子们知道他们已经失败。 一种办法是降低标准。孩子匆匆打成的桌子，即使是制作粗糙而且摇摇晃晃，做母亲的也称之为“棒极了!”另一种办法就是把过错推给别人。如果约翰数学不及格，那准是老师不公平或者太蠢。